WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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