Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
