I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
