I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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