I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
