when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
