i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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