I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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