I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
