So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize