You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
