Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
