If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
