You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
