hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize