Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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