moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm at about main and main street
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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