I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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