Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
