i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize