This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
