Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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