He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
