I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
