I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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