my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
