i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
