It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
