just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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