just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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