no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize