one word: firstdatebathroomanal
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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