bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
