I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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