my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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