apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
