i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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