"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
