Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
