i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
