i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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