got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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