I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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