i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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