My nipple is on Facebook.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
