why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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