DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
