she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
