I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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