the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
