he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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