Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
third nipple confirmed
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
