mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
