yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
