Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
