Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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