everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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