fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
