Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
