there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
