i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
