Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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