talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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