So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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