he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
