I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
