The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Green mimosas i think yes
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize