I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
