his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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