I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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