come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
