what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
