id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
